I love love. To the extent of seeing the good over all flaws. Its a gift for those I encounter. I, however, fall hard for everyone and everything. I can't watch sappy movies or animals getting hurt. I can't see other photos of women on phones or messages to engage in relations without feeling something. I'm mushy, gooey and sensitive inside.
I met a friend from school and did some traveling with him. I told him I was not interested in a relationship and he pressed on anyways
I wasn't trying to feel anything. I wasn't trying to share. It just happened but we must be careful who we share, hug, fondle, and hold strong to. Especially if its not right for me.
Honor is the highest form for me and letting go, never easy.
There was lots of hugging but nothing further, my intention was to keep myself far from the chemical induction that is pheromone exchange.
I am always in this position of rejecting boyfriends or wrong friends. Never giving myself recognition for having high standards, always beating myself for rejecting others because I fear that same thing happening to me. For awhile I thought to myself that I was just running away but as I grow older I see that I was wise for leaving then and wiser now for see the patterns sooner. I pray I've finally come to the place where I can trust my instincts.
I knew that there was something fishing about his actions and behavior but some people have a way of turing things in their favor. That was the lesson. To see the snake and not get mesmerized by the colors and patterns of his skin.
For the first time standing up for myself is no longer scary, its just right. No need to get overly confident yet. Tomorrow dawns a new day. A day where he is stronger and more alert. Or he will play the wild card and act as if he does not care and it does not matter.
There's no denying the truth. The truth that some people will never be satisfied, not with you, not with substances, not with someone else and most importantly not with themselves.
Its not my place to understand someone else's insecurities and its certainly not my place to fix them.
What a great space it is to be in, control. Of your OWN life.
