Awareness

Redemption is the word I thought to myself with the tittle of my last post.
I am too hard on myself. I don't give myself enough credit.

I recently started to keep a food journal; only when asked of me, can I follow through.
Henry Ford said "whether you think you can or you can't- your right. "
I am gaining awareness of my feelings, moods, actions, sensations, coping mechanisms.
When you began to gain awareness light is shed on behaviors that do not serve a purpose.
Forgiveness to move on, is the next step.
I have this illusion that puberty is only once but the body changes many times throughout life.
Life itself have a flow, a pull, and tug on my emotions and desires.
A fog of influence blinds me with distractions of shiny flashing media with big explosions and loud sounds or gossip of friends and stars.
Why blindly waste my time in other peoples business to distract from hurt, pain, or responsibility that change and self discovery has to offer.
Self discovery is not nearly as long of a painful journey as distraction and confusion candy coated with instant gratification coupled with consequences that taste sweet going down with a bitter burn when it settles in my belly as I sleep with my decisions haunting my dreams and weighing heavy on my reality.
So I stay up late and continue to fight this ambitious nature of my soul trying to creep out of me and become inspired to inspire by momentum and movement. By racing the sun to who can shine in the day first. My spirit is enticing me to compete with the sun for the center of the earth as my brain and preprogramed thought process beats me into submission with thought of worthlessness and time wasting but what could be more backwards then wasting time outside the sentence itself negates.
So I type on to fight the good fight! The battle of my brain and the awareness to it trickery and bad habits that only make me feel worse and tear down my confidence and true self.

"Whether you think you can or can't- your right" Henry Ford